hey
it's been a long time since i've seen u last
how time goes fast

i'm well
though i've gone through some deep changes in my life
it hasn't been easy
It's been difficult at times

sometimes i sit down and cry
and ask god why
fair what is

i know how ure feelin
same thing i did deal with
ure not as alone as u may feel
u see
but...it catches up to us fast
we have to deal with our past
i know it's painful but
there ull find specialness
cuz everybody needs to feel real special
we need to remember
that love lies deep within ourselves
we have to
want it so
it starts with us and only us

we must learn
we're all born
with specialness inside of us
i have the need to feel real special too
u see
u can't run away from ur pain
because wherever u run
there u will be

u have to learn
to water ur spiritual garden
then
u will be free

merry christmas everybody!! and happy holidays!

spending the holidays in Montreal....is soooooo nice!
everything is the first time for me.
i'm sooooooooo excited!!!! wooooooooooooohoooooooooooo!!!!



special thx to u for everythig u do only for me.

santa claus is coming to Japan! next is.....

DDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMIT!!!

i couldn't get "IT"!!
well.....yeah.
such is life.....i'm so sad actually.......*sigh*



Merry Christmas (eve) in Japan:)

merry christmas to my dad, mom, my sis....all my friends and all my precious people in Japan. luv u all so much:) have a wonderful time!!

my foot soooooooooooooooo hurt.

BUT!! finally, i found IT!!huh! do ya know what i'm talking about?
"IT" is the "IT"!! uhm...never mind....
anyway, i found one of my x-mas gifts. sooooo tired.


BUUUT!! that's not the one that i want. so i'm gonna wait till Tomorrow....


we'll see.

i found a gift, i found a gift♪

omg part2
omg....does somebody want to know how cold it is here now??

it's -25 degree now....huh.
COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD!!!



i don't like Montreal now....

omg

omg......i'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo full!

to u

just wanna say how hard to have a conversation w/ u.
i really want to tell u what i think, what i feel....but i can't now.
u know that.
and i know that makes u confused and get annoyed.
i don't have what u have.
i don't expect u to understand my situation, cuz u'll never be able to understand.
and this real distance makes me hurt.
cuz it's too close.
but i feel that our hearts are not that close.
what should i do?
what am i supposed to do?


would somebody tell me..........?

just don't wanna get off the bed...
i'm still in the bed now. i really love this.
super comfortable.......

recently, somehow i feel i'm so busy and getting tired easily.
i donno if just because it's the end of the year or because the weather's sucking my energy...or just because i'm getting old....oops.

k. really don't wanna do it, but should do it.
i'm gonna get off the beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed!!!
otherwise it's quite possible i'm gonna be a pig

*oink oink*

where is santa claus...

omg...i wasn't expected that it's soooooooooooooooo hard to find a x-mas gift!!
i was looking for only one present for about 3 hours....and finally, i couldn't find it!! damn it!! i gave up for today. but i vow that i'm gonna find it in any means.


k. gatta go. my foot soooooooooooooooooooooo hurt...*sigh*




9:15pm added:
just wanted to let u know it's -10 degree now!!!!!


12:58am 12/15/2004 added:
omg......-15 degree now. holy!!!

santa claus is coming.....soooooooooon!

Friday: had dinner w/ my tutor. she made butter chicken. that's soooooo yummy. we were supposed to go to KARAOKE. However we're late and had to cancel.....sux. drunken Italian guys talked to me when i waited for coming metro. they had really strong accent, so it was really hard to catch but we had some conversations and said good-bye. what i want to say is that i COULD have a conversation in English. that's great!! well, some people may say that it's a little bit risky thing to talk w/ strangers. But at that time, i even didn't care about that. hahaha. crazy jap.

Saturday: went shopping. saw the movie "ocean's twelve". it was good:) Catherine zeta-jones was still hot. had a good time. after that we ate chocolate brownie and had some apple wine. as u know, i got drunk even though i didn't finish a glass of wine. huh.

Sunday: went shopping. cleaned up the house for new year, actually for having a x-mas tree. the fake one. but really good to have a x-mas tree:) i was sooooooooo excited during decorating it. to tell the truth, i can't wait for x-mas!!! hey, i'm still allowed to wait for it and x-mas gifts, right?
after that, took a bath w/ candles and musics. omg, that's siiiiiick!! i wanna do this again in my near future.


and....my new week has started.
x-mas and new year are coming soon.....

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!

my thoughts

k.uhm...so i wanna say sorry for the most of the part not writing in English today.
i'm so feeling inferior to lacking of my English ability. but i really wanna note the thing to self, so let me allow to write in Japanese.

JAP:最近は自分のことについて色々考える。
もうすぐ２００４年も終るからかな、こんなこと考えるの。
なんかちょっと悲しい気もするな。日本人のくせに一年の大半をモントリオールで過ごしてしまったあたし。
来年からは本格的に英語の授業が始まり大学にも入学し・・・・色々忙しいかんじがする。来年そうそうあたしはこのホームスティからおさらばしてルームシェアをする予定。
色々なことがいっぱあたしの中に入ってきていっぱいいっぱいで毎日を送ってるかんじ。ちょっと振り返ると、あたし何やってるんだろって思ってみたりもするかも。色々考える年です。２１ってもういい大人だよね。自分のすべてのことに責任をもたなきゃで、その意味ではあたしは何してもいいはずなのに、自立してるはずなのに、まだまだ親のすねかじって生きてるあたし。飛行機で十何時間とかかってしかも時差まである遥かかなたに住んでるのにまだまだあたしはお子ちゃまだなってかんじる。もっともっと自立しなきゃ。強くならなきゃってよく考える最近。そんなことを考えてて、知らないうちに自分を追い込んでて、自分の中でそれがいっぱいいっぱいになるとそのいっぱいいっぱいなのと一緒に自然と涙があふれてきます。そんなことがしばしばある、こっちきてから。きっとそれは無意識のうちに自分の中で自分の理想とする自分があってその自分になかなかたどりつけなくて、もがいてもがいて・・・それでもやっぱりおいつかなくてその自分になかなかなれなくて、悲しくて苦しくてやりきれなくて・・・自分でどうすればいいかわからなくて、悩んで悩んで・・・・・・そしてポロリと涙があたしの目から零れ落ちるんだね。そのときはじめて自分の「弱さ」に気づくことを許されるんだね。そしてその涙と同時にあたしは自分の中に「強さ」と「可能性」を発見する。これがあたしの人生の「一歩」


the following is one of my favorite words.

success....
success is doing the best u can,
in as many ways as u can.
it is being just and honest and true
not in a few things, but in everything u do.

always look ahead and never look back,
believe u can make all ur dreams come true.
Always believe in the best u can be
and have faith in the things that u do.

forget about mistakes u made yesterday,
the lessons u learn will prove valuable for today...
never give up and think that ure throught....
for there's always tomorrow and a chance to begin brand new.

it is in dreaming the greatest dreams...
and seekinbg the highest goals...
that we build the brightest tomorrow...

there is no limit to the goals u can attain,
or the success u can achieve...
ur possibilities are endless as ur dreams.

whatever it is that u seek in life,
whatever ur dreams and what u hope to chieve,
whatever u try to reach - whatever u plan...
can all be yours - if only believe u can.

did u feel it? 'cause i did.
this is the message from my precious person.
actually, u can find it at the hospital in Montreal.

k.gatta go. just wanted to straighten up my thoughts.

one of my problems

uhm....i have some troubles about walking the street.lol.
the thing is that snow is freezing....so when i go outside and step........
and then slipping on the ice! however, when i look around the people, nobody's slipping like me!! i wonder how people here are walking on this pretty bad situation, weather and road condition....they have developed their muscles for this? they know some special technics?

yes, i know i walk funny, even if it's in a normal situation.
but seriously, i should know how to walk, how not to slip.

is there any good suggestion for the poor girl?

JAP:ってゆーかまじこの寒さありえん・・・。普通に歩けんってどういうことじゃ！？氷の雨ですよ、奥さん。んでしかも２月とかになると、息を吸うだけで普通に鼻の中がこおるらしい。なんちゅう国じゃ・・・。 でもこんな寒さのなかの街中のクリスマスデコレーションはたまらなく綺麗だったりするんだな。
　　　

pix up soon. i promise u, guys.

IT IS COLD

omg....-8 degree now. last night was -10 degree...wtf.
it's cold....i don't think i'm gonna survive in this freezing country.
regret to come here a little bit...huh.

nomally, when the weather is bad or like this, people intend to stay in their houses and never go outside. However, i'm quite busy these days and prefer to go outside. haha. crazy japanese.

today, i don't feel really good... when i went grocery, i almost lost my temper.
gonna go to bed early. but after watching "Meet Joe Black"

on wkend, i had a really good time.
add 2 more hobbies.

play at an arcade(game center)

go to rippers

good hobbies,huh?

Dear.my friends in Japan

ここからあたしのモントリオールでの生活が少しでもわかっていただけたら・・と思ってます☆あたしもこっちでいっぱいいっぱいになりつつ頑張ってるのでこんなあたしにコメントどんどんくださいな★

お待ちしてますｗ

ではでは：）

めぐみ

such is life part2

today was a quite good and at the same time kinda sad day...
i was just just hit to the pretty basic but very important questions:

do i like who i am?

do i even know who i am?

can u answer these things easily? i realized and recognized that i can't.
the thing is that what is what i want to do.i've had a really uncomfortable life these days. couldn't figure out it. but just today, i did.
i really need to think about this.

and...i saw the movie "closer"
it gave me the chance to shed some tears.....
it was a little bit sweet and a little bit bitter.
recommend u to see this.

it's cold....

omg...time flies!!
it's already December!!!

and.....

holy shit!!
it's snoooooooooooooowing!!!


ok, so...i finally sent my letters to CAQ.
it took for a long time!!! all things that i can do now is just waiting for their acceptance letter. and then i have to apply for student visa to the goverment in Canada.

i've been knitting these days. making a scarf.
and today the thing was happened. i was asked about it(ex: how to do that, where can u get a yarn or something like that.)by three strangers at the same place.
well, honestly the people here are really friendly so i was getting used to being talked like that. thus, it was really good oppotunity to practice to speak in English:) it was fun. in addition, one of the strangers seemed that he's really interested in knitting and we talked for like an hour, not only about knitting but also about each other. he's 50y.o or something. really calm and he's working as a director on TV.(just to make sure that i don't believe all about him. i wanna but i can't. that's one of the important things that i learned here.)we had quite good time. However, he was so excited about our conversations that he was late for a meeting for his project.lol. what a man.

so anyway, i wasn't not too bored today.
k, gatta go get tutored..... yes, i AM a good student!!!